The Peanut Gallerie

Yup... that's what I'm carrying around. (No wonder my feets are swollen.) The only thing getting me through this is that there is a wonderful light at the end of the tunnel! His name is James. Aw, sweet, chubby, bald, ittle baby James.

I swear. He's going to come out so sweet. Not because it's in his parents nature to be good people, but because I can't stop gorging on things with sugar. I'm addicted and I keep imagining him coming out with these little legs like the Michelin man.

Good thing the strange dreams have stopped. No... I am now confined to my daydreams of holding and cuddling with him. Trying to imagine how tired I'll actually be in those first weeks. Gauging what it would be like to feed and change him all the time. Anticipating hours where I'll just stare at his beautiful little face and memorize every detail.

Then I sometimes ask myself.

Who am I? My God. Where did this person come from? It's like something inside of me clicked on and I can't stop being the protective yet sensitive mother that nature has designed me to be! You would have never caught me talking about staring at a baby's face. Who does that? I feel like a completely different person and thank God that pregnancy lasts for 10 months. How else, but with time, could someone like me get use to the idea of being a mother?

Because somewhere, during that time, I stopped being scared of having a baby and started being fearful of being the best mom I can be.

I pray it's enough.