The Peanut Gallerie

Okay, So I don't have all of the pictures yet, but here are some of the few I have to show everyone (especially those in Ohio) the wonderful time we had.

From the top (left to right): That's my family :o), table setting with the baby food game (you had to guess the baby food by smell... eww), my beautiful mother and her adorable dress, the 'No Pudge' brownies I made for the favors that were wrapped up like little packages to go with the theme, baby's breath was the flower of choice, Sarrah getting in some practice with little Christina, Baby Pictionary, Tigger waiting for the fun to start, me in my polka dot dress, the amount of lists it takes to throw a baby shower, the baby picture game where all of the guests brought a baby picture of themselves and you had to guess who was who... whom? You get the idea.

You can click on the picture to make it bigger in order to see what is actually going on. Enjoy!

Alright.

It also claims he is 16 inches long from head to heel and that I should be feeling Braxton Hicks contractions around this time.

I am so excited to visit with my friends and family this weekend. Some I have not seen in a really long time. I am thrilled to get the opportunity to share this moment with them. 

When Sarrah originally asked for an estimate on the number of people that might attend my baby shower, I told her five. I didn't realize the amount of women I have in my life that want to be a part of this. 

Five people barely covers my PPC (Party Planning Committee)! 

Plus the number of friends that have offered to help set up or the packages I have received this week from people who will be unable to attend ... I'm overwhelmed... my heart is swelled and I am beyond grateful. It is nice to sit back and watch the love pour in and overflow what, I felt, was once empty.

So, after a year of breathing just to get through my everyday... it is almost comical to be able to stress over what sandwiches we will be serving at the party. 

When sandwiches are your main worry... life is so good.

So tell me...

Why does pregnancy ruin this quality? I have sticky notes everywhere! My planner is filled with cross-outs and scribbles. I still can't remember a thing. I honestly feel like I'm losing it. I go to write something and I can't remember what it was I wanted to say (in the middle of a sentence!). I leave a room to get something and have to go back just to remember what it was... only to forget as soon as I leave the room again.

I'm the crazy pregnant lady in the hallway who has this blank stare on her face.

I backed up my files on the computer the other day. It was a symbol. My mind may lose its files, but at least I can backup my hard drive.

What I find so ironic is that this should be the time to remember things. I have doctor appointments. I have to take vitamins. I should be keeping track of these things.

Most of the things I just let go. People will say that they just told me something and I agree.. they probably did. 

The other day I asked my mom if she was going to work. She said I already asked her that three times and that she was only going to tell me one more time... then she walked away. Ha! I guess I'm not the only one losing it.. lol.

You may be wondering why the post below says Tuesday and wasn't up on Tuesday... or Wednesday.. or even Thursday. It's because I wrote it and kept forgetting to post.

I have to go. I forgot to eat this morning and I'm starving.

As I draw nearer to the birth, my dreams involve James more and more. I really can't wait to hold him and squeeze him and give him all of my love. I'm excited to introduce him to the world. I am thrilled to be the parent I know I can be and even discover a few new things about myself.

For now, it is still the waiting game. (Although, he is packing on pounds very quickly.) The chart says he's about the size of a head of cabbage (about 3lbs). My tummy is definitely starting to round out more and more. I'm getting that pregnancy waddle. James doesn't just tap on my stomach, he's kickboxing now. 

I think he's winning.

Even though the weather has been absolutely gorgeous, I had an early onset of my allergy symptoms. I am so glad I'm not going to be pregnant during the summer. The heat, the runny nose, the feeling of not being able to breathe, the headaches! I would shoot someone. Maybe all of the cranky pregnant women come out during the summer?

I'll just be happy that by the time winter rolls around, I can dress James up in ridiculous hats. Hey, he had to have known that someone was going to pay for kicking my bladder.

My life always seems to be filled with major occurrences in short periods of time. I feel like everything has taken off this week and I'm mustering all I can to not be the dreamy 'Pisces' and run away in all of it. 

Slow it down and process.

I have heard some very good news with my position with Entango. I am so excited about my future there and thank God they seem to be excited about my future there as well :o) With this good news, I can start putting some things in motion. 

Moving back to Sacramento is starting to look like a reality. 

Although I would love to run with it, there is more to be done here. There is no way I am putting myself through the headache of switching doctors, yet again. James will be born in San Jose. I'll have my family around to help out because they seem eager anyways. I would like to get an idea of how much he will need and cost on a month to month basis. I would like to get my school loan locked into a low interest rate, if possible. Find a place where I can live comfortable, save money and put major chunks of money down towards that loan. 

I'm thinking towards the end of the year, I should have most of that settled and will be able to make the move. I'm excited to see where God wants us.

I turned one year older today (and I’m still not sure if I’m considered an adult). I know that I have learned so much about myself in these last 28 years.

Here’s what I can impart:

- Surround yourself with a wise counsel and adhere to their tender advice. It may not be the easy route; it may not make sense to you; but they give it out of love in order to support your personal growth.

- True happiness stems from balance.

- God will always be there for you. You might not regularly feel His presence, but He will never leave you, especially in times of trouble.

- Understand what you value so you may never compromise what is important to your heart.

- Time is a commodity and tool.

- Pick your battles and do not sweat the small stuff.

- Treat everyone with respect. You never know what plight they may be facing in their life. They may need a little grace just to make it through the day.

- Quantity is usually never better than quality.

- Be patience with your parents. Know that they are human too and will make mistakes.

- Let go of the things that are not yours to keep.

- “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans”.

- Commit to your boundaries and limits.

- When you “run” from your problems, they always find you. It’s easier to handle your issues in the present than waste energy avoiding what’s inevitable.

- Pick up dancing. Chicks dig it.

- …Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry (James 1:19)

- Absorb financial intelligence from your uncle Philip. Love and forgive, like your aunt Sarrah. Be as courageous and free as your aunt Michelle.

- It is just as important to take care of yourself, as it is others.

- Communication is mastered more with your ears than your mouth.

- Learn from your mistakes.

- Laugh… if not at every opportunity, at least every day.

I can imagine that this is not the type of big brother he thought he would be.

Plus, I really miss him. I miss talking with him, laughing at his silly antics, admiring how beautiful and cute he really is, and how active we kept each other. It's hard to take Tigger on a walk right now. My biggest fear keeping me from taking him out is another big dog barreling towards us on our walk. Normally, something like that wouldn't stop me. (I have been known to jump in front of Tigger to defend him).... but now? I can't risk that, plus, I can't run fast enough to get away. I just wish more people in this area were better pet owners and kept their dogs in a secured space.

I'm just waiting for the day when he can rejoin the pack, when I get to train him on how to behave around little "animals" like James :o)

(Not intentionally .. this time.)

On the plus side, my hair is also really amazing too and has grown to the middle of my back.

I'm sure all of this is because of the amount of calcium I'm consuming. The other morning, my dad bought me a gallon of milk. I had realized by the end of the night that I had drank half of the gallon... in one day! I don't even like milk and I find myself craving glasses full!

(sigh)

I'm enjoying the pregnancy, but it will be nice to get back to "normal" where my body can think for itself.

Unfortunately, they do not yet offer their service in my area, but maybe by the time Peanut is 8lbs. (their smallest size) they will start heading up this way. I just love the idea that people are trying to think of better ways to care for our environment.

If weddings are a billion dollar industry, babies are a million dollar.

I'm in the last trimester. James will be here ... shortly. (As a constant reminder, he loves to tickle my ribs.) 

I don't remember how I viewed pregnancy before having experienced it myself. I believe I never gave it much thought. To me, the exciting part is after labor. Yes, it is nice to have James with me at all times... but I can't wait to actually hold him.

Plus, the aches and pains that come with pregnancy will be happily left behind. They last too long. It's like having a cold for a week... and you start to forget what it is like to breathe through your nose and have your head clear. 

Now imagine having a cold for 40 weeks. 

Sure, not all of the symptoms come at once, but you get so wrapped up in feelings and emotions and (my favorite) hormones that you start to forget where you begin and where they end. I can't count how many times I have asked Sarrah, "Did I cry like this last year?". I find myself weeping over nothing... No, not "nothing" as in something small, I actually mean nothing. I just start crying, so in order not to look crazy, I sometimes make something up. (Which in this house, is never a good idea because I have a very loving family that wants to "solve" all of my problems.) How do you solve, "I was crying over lint", anyways? Wait, I'm reliving it and my eyes are starting to water.

Part of me is terrified that this is now the new me. It's like 'David After Dentist' said, "I feel funny... Why is this happening to me... Is this going to be forever". 

Don't worry, David ... we'll get through this.

I keep restricting myself on buying anything. I know as birth draws near, women go into "nesting phase". (Having filed for bankruptcy and no form of credit, I am trying to avoid any present costs.) 

I am a saving machine right now. Every penny, after bills, goes to my savings account. It really helps to be living with my parents. (I am able to pay them money borrowed and they help me save on utilities and "extra" costs.) 

Not knowing what the future holds for me, I want to have enough saved to get me by for as long as I need. So far, I'm looking at a nice chunk of change by May.

I can honestly say, bankruptcy has taught me to put actions in motion. I knew how to save, I knew how to be frugal, I knew how to watch my money... I just never bothered. It was a part of my life, I always wanted someone else to handle. 

I have never had to worry about money. Even in college, I always worked. I always made enough to get by and then some. Marrying, made money even more disposable. We both made enough to live beyond comfort. While we should have been saving and investing, money was flying out the door (and not towards anything I was ever proud of).

Living with Sarrah taught me many lessons. (lol, like how to look at prices.) I could go into a store, shop, pay and walk out. Even by the time I got home, I still could not tell you how much I actually spent. 

Since bankruptcy, I have used new tools and revived some classic ones. 

I now balance my check book. Who would have thought? I spend much less on overdraft charges when I actually know what's in there. Plus, I am able to hide money from myself by not recording small deposits. The greatest advantage is that I know how much I'm worth at all times. (Although my bank account says $4857, I know I actually only own $37... lol.) 

I pay attention to important financial decisions. I ask my wonderful tax lady every question possible. When I don't comprehend something, I keep asking until I do. This really helps to understand where my money is going and how I can get it back.

With all of that said, God finally put in my heart that it was okay to reward myself. 

I decided to buy James a onesie I had been eyeing for months. As I went to the store to buy it, I looked for a bigger size (so he didn't grow out of it in a day). I found a size 6-12 and was happy to see the price was less than the others. As the cashier rang me up, I noticed the higher price being charged. So, I did something I would never have done before.. I humbly questioned the price. To my surprise, the cashier explained that not all of the price tags were changed, but they would be happy to honor the lower price. 

It may have seemed small, but to me it was a little test I had just passed. 

I had listened to that little voice inside my head for the very first time and put my faith and trust in God to lead me back to the beautiful path He has laid out for me. I have, not only, learned from my mistakes, but applied my discovered knowledge to keep from consistently making them. 

The onesie is right. My path back to God is (bitter) sweet.